emotionally unavailable?

What does it mean to be emotional unavailable? These two words sounds so simple when you say it but I'm sure it has hidden meanings. I claim to be emotionally unavailable but what does that say about me? Does it mean that I do this in a relationship or is it the case in my entire life, do I do it with me daugther? Its all so confusing. Are you able to love your daugther but be emotionally unavailable in a relationship? This just sounds like utter crap. Maybe I'm just looking for an excuse to put my life on hold...My friend has a wedding coming up later this year. I envy her for finding the love of her life and going on to the next step. I'm tired of being in LIMBO. It sucks. Career is more important I always say. You need to focus. Look after your daugther and study, study, study. You shouldnt need another person to fulfill you. What crap!!! I don't know what I am talking about these days. Its just random statements to guard my heart. It feels like I have being gaurding my heart my entire life.  

Emotions

There is an unwritten rule that says that women seek out men that are emotional. They want to be with men that are able to show their emotions. Now why is it, that when you do find that person the emotional side of him can become to overwhelming. I guess men and women are made to be different. Women are supposed to have all the emotion and men think logical. It seems like in this day and age things are getting jumbled up and these roles are reversed. Is this a good thing? My recent experience says that people have unrealistic expectations. I got what I was looking for all my life and gave it away because I couldnt handle it. Am I scared of my own emotions? Or am I not able to seize the momen and be happy? Steve Harvey explains all the fundementals in one of his books. Its so wierd how people can analise a certain sex because they think they know. I am a women so I am supposed to know kind of bullshit. That does not work. Human beings act differently because we were given a mind, with thoughts and we process these thoughts in different ways. So I guess what I'm saying is that we as a gender have unrealistic expectations. Till Later......

Hope and endless posibilities

There is a song that Alanis Morissette sings that goes like this:
You live
You learn
You love
You learn
You cry
You learn
You lose
You learn
This song speaks to me. It tells me that with hope there is nothing in this world that can not be achieved. Life is a cycle of events that brings us closer to the things that we would like to achieve, the person that we want to be and the person that will steal your heart. We are given these opportunities in many forms and when it arrives we will know. I will know when he arrives, the man of my dreams. He will be charming and sexy, intelligent and soft hearted. Live shows us endless posibilities to become greater than we are and more forgiving, more loving, more caring. More of everything that makes us human. Our mistakes and our accomplishments. If we give up we shall never learn.

Love and all its bullshit*%&@%^*^

I feel so frustrated today. How do you convince someone that you care for them. I can't tel him I love him if I don't mean it. It would be unfair to both of us. I just need a break from my life and the opportunity to step into the stupid fairy tale with its stupid endings. I never get it. Why the hell do people make love stories that end happily when the real thing is so kak! There is never really happiness and that feeling of bliss you get when you just watch the damn movie. Real life is just a cycle of complicated scenarios that lead you further away from being happy. They should make away with these stupid love stories and romantic love stories that we endlessly read to tell us what true love is about. They should tell the truth and warn everyone that loving someone is fucking hard work. Its like another job in itself. Its conflict management at every turn. Its like a board game where someone eventually ends up being the winner and the other person the loser. I'm sick of the idealistic bulshit and I would just like to be able to lose all my inhibitions without calculating whether the end result is going to be favourable for one party. Is this unfair of me? Is it? Well I dont give a FUCK!