Love?

Love, this feeling that people have cried over and died over. I simply dont understand the whole concept of love. I'm told that it is suppost to be all consuming and that falling inlove is great. If that is the case then I am probably going to miserable forever. I recently met someone that I think is great, however this love story is sitting like a huge rock on my shoulder. What am I supposed to do if I never fall inlove with this guy? Is there something wrong with me that makes me become sterile when faced with a remotely romantic relationship. I hate this feeling. Its a feeling of constant dissapointment at the idea of not being able to reciprocate someone's feelings. Maybe I am overthinking it a bit and I should just let life take its course. I have a daugther, how will I teach her about love if I cant even explain the feeling. I'm talking about heartpounding, soulsearching love (like they show us in the movies). Does that even exist? I really have my doubts. I need someone to prove me wrong or maybe I should prove me wrong, whichever of the two comes first.

My mom once told me that life is about taking a risk, as is love. I dont want to end up regretting the choices I made. What if? I always ask this. I never live in the moment, my body may be there but my mind is ten steps ahead trying to practice my mathematics skills - frantically calculating whether something will have the desired effect. My calculations are always wrong. So, why do you ask? Why would she persist with the same behaviour expecting a different result, someone once said its the definition of stupidity...Wow, that is rich. A stupid girl that does not know how to love. Classic, I should write a book about this. I could make alot of money from fellow stupid females such as myself that will probably end up reading the damn book. How pathetic.

So many people write about this wonderful topic in romance novels and such. I wonder if these people even have love in their lives or are they just yearning as I am? Yearning for what exactly. I have no clue. this wonderful feeling is just leaving me very confused. Till later.....